The Joy of Starting Over.

How to navigate liminal moments as a natural and necessary part of growth, both personally and professionally. When we meet them with curiosity rather than resistance, starting over becomes less about loss, and more about learning to trust what is emerging.

When Continuity Stops Making Sense.

I’ve been noticing recently how uncomfortable we sometimes are with the idea of starting over. Not in theory - we tend to love it in theory. Fresh starts, new chapters, reinvention - these are ideas that show up constantly in our personal and professional conversations and in the way we talk about growth and change. But in practice, starting over rarely feels inspiring. It feels inconvenient. It feels inefficient. It feels like something has gone wrong. Because more often than not, starting over doesn’t arrive as a clean, intentional decision. It arrives as a disruption - a plan that no longer makes sense, a role that stops fitting, a version of your life that, on paper, still works but internally doesn’t. And there is often a moment - quiet, subtle, easy to dismiss - where you realise that continuing as you are is no longer an option. Not dramatically, not all at once, but enough to know that something needs to shift.

What I’ve been seeing more and more, both in my own life and in conversations with others, is that these moments are not rare. They are not exceptions. They are not signs that something has gone off track. They are, in many ways, the mechanism through which change actually happens. People stepping away from careers they have spent years building. Re-evaluating relationships that once felt certain. Rethinking where and how they want to live. Questioning definitions of success that once felt solid but now feel misaligned. And yet, despite how common this is, we still tend to treat starting over as something that needs to be explained, justified, or quietly recovered from. There is an implicit narrative that progress should be linear, that growth should be additive, and that if we are moving “forward” correctly, we should not need to begin again.

As someone who has started over and transformed myself more times than I can remember, I have made a conscious choice to stop thinking like this.

Development Doesn’t Move in Straight Lines.

The reality, of course, is far less tidy than that. Meaningful change does not always start from steady progression. It comes from moments where something loosens, breaks, or falls away - where the structure that once held things together no longer does. Developmental psychology has explored this for decades. Robert Kegan’s work on adult development suggests that growth is not simply about acquiring new skills or knowledge, but about transforming the way we make meaning of the world. And those transformations rarely happen without some form of disruption. Similarly, William Bridges’ transition model highlights that every change involves not just a new beginning, but an ending and a period of in-between - a phase where the old identity has dissolved, but the new one has not yet fully formed. This is the part we tend to resist the most. It is also the part where the real work happens.

We might recognise this more intuitively if we look at creativity rather than careers. No meaningful creative process moves in a straight line. There are moments of clarity, followed by confusion, followed by iteration, followed by something that begins to take shape. The same is true of personal and professional evolution, even if we don’t always allow it to look that way. We expect coherence. We expect continuity. But development often requires discontinuity - a breaking apart of what was, so that something else can emerge in its place.

The Identity Beneath the Change.

Starting over is rarely just about changing direction. It is about changing identity. And this is where things become more complex, because identity is not only how we see ourselves - it is how we are seen, how we are recognised, and how we have learned to locate our value in the world. Roles, relationships, and environments all reinforce particular versions of who we are. When those structures shift, even in ways that are ultimately positive, there is often a destabilisation underneath them. We are no longer held in the same way. The feedback loops change. The story we've been telling ourselves about our place in the world begins to loosen.

This is why starting over can feel like a kind of loss, even when it is chosen. Even when it is right. Even when it is necessary. There is often a quiet grief in letting go of a version of yourself that was once meaningful, once functional, once recognised. In work contexts, this can be particularly pronounced. Stepping away from a role, redefining a business, or shifting direction professionally is not just a strategic decision. It is an identity transition. And identity transitions cannot be rushed without consequence.

The Space Between What Was, and What’s Next.

This is the part of the process that tends to be least understood, and most quickly bypassed. The space between what was and what’s next is often experienced as uncertainty, but it is not simply a lack of clarity. It is a different kind of space altogether. It is a space where the old patterns no longer fully apply, but the new ones have not yet stabilised. It can feel unproductive, undefined, even uncomfortable. And because of that, there is a strong instinct - whether it be individually and organisationally - to move through it as quickly as possible.

But in our work at We Create Space, this is often where the most meaningful transformation occurs. Not in the moment of decision, and not in the moment of arrival, but in the space in between. What we describe as "threshold moments" sits here - not as something abstract, but as something deeply practical. This is the phase where awareness increases, where assumptions can be questioned, where new perspectives begin to form. And yet, it only becomes useful if we are willing to stay with it long enough for something to emerge.

There is a growing body of research in neuroscience that supports this. Creativity and insight are often linked to periods of rest and reflection rather than constant output - what is sometimes referred to as the brain’s default mode network. In other words, the mind requires space in order to reorganise itself. The same is true of identity. If we immediately rush to define what comes next, we often replicate what came before, simply in a different form.

Courage, Failure and the Role of Curiosity.

One of the reasons starting over feels so uncomfortable is because of how closely it is tied, culturally, to failure. Even in environments that claim to embrace experimentation, failure still carries emotional weight. It can feel like a rupture in identity, a questioning of competence, or a loss of credibility. But if we step back, failure is not an anomaly in development - it is a mechanism within it. Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset reframes failure not as evidence of limitation, but as part of the learning process itself. In innovation theory, failure is often seen as necessary experimentation - a way of testing assumptions and refining direction.

And yet, when we experience it personally, it rarely feels neutral. It feels exposing. It feels like something has gone wrong. This is where curiosity becomes an important counterbalance. Not as a way of bypassing discomfort, but as a way of relating to it differently. Instead of asking whether something has worked or not, we might ask what it has revealed. Instead of evaluating the outcome, we might explore the learning. This does not remove the challenge, but it shifts the orientation from judgement to exploration.

Courage, in this context, is not about bold action or decisive movement forward. It is about the willingness to remain in the process without needing immediate resolution. It is about taking steps without full certainty, and allowing understanding to develop over time rather than requiring it upfront. This is a quieter form of courage, but it is often the one that makes transformation possible.

The Creating Space Perspective.

In our work at We Create Space, we often describe this kind of developmental moment through a simple cycle that helps individuals and organisations move through periods of disruption, uncertainty, and change - including those moments where we find ourselves starting over.

Awareness - noticing the internal narratives shaping how we interpret what is happening.

Compassion - understanding those patterns without collapsing into judgement.

Connection - recognising the wider system we are part of, and the impact of our choices.

Agency - consciously choosing how we want to respond and move forward.

Many people, like myself, first encounter this cycle during periods of disruption or burnout. But over time, it becomes a practical framework for navigating change more intentionally - not just when things break, but whenever something new is trying to emerge.

Within The Creating Space Methodology, one of the core principles is that transformation requires space before it requires structure. This can feel counterintuitive, particularly in professional environments where momentum, output, and clarity are prioritised. But if we look at how systems actually evolve - biological, psychological, or organisational - there is often a phase where existing patterns loosen before new ones stabilise. This is not inefficiency. It is reorganisation. At the centre of this sits a simple practice:

Pause → Listen → Connect → Act → Reflect

This cycle encourages leaders to slow down reactive decision-making, expand perspective, and translate insight into more intentional action. Creating space, in this context, is not about doing nothing. It is about resisting the immediate urge to define, control, or resolve - allowing awareness to deepen so that what comes next is not just new, but genuinely different.

This is where leadership begins to shift. Not towards having all the answers, but towards creating the conditions in which better questions - and better thinking - can emerge.

Starting Over in Leadership and Systems.

In organisational contexts, starting over is rarely framed in these terms. It is more often described as restructuring, transformation, or change management. But underneath those processes, the same dynamics are at play. Systems that have reached the limits of their current design. Cultures that no longer support the direction the organisation is trying to move in. Leadership models that were effective in one context but are no longer sufficient in another. Organisations find themselves navigating a growing gap between organisational ambition and what is consistently happening day-to-day.

The challenge is that many organisations attempt to “start over” while maintaining the same underlying assumptions. They introduce new strategies without addressing identity. They implement new structures without creating space for reflection. And as a result, change remains surface-level. The form shifts, but the behaviour pattern underneath stays the same. This is why human-centred leadership is becoming the defining capability of high-performing organisations.

In this context, Visionary Leadership requires something more fundamental. It requires the willingness to question not just what we are doing, but how we are making sense of what we are doing. It requires moving beyond short-term fixes and engaging with the deeper dynamics of the system. And this often begins with recognising when something is no longer working - not as a failure, but as an indication that a new phase of development is required.

Where the Joy Actually Lives.

At this point, it is worth returning to the question of joy. Because much of what we have explored so far does not immediately sound joyful. It sounds uncertain, uncomfortable, and at times destabilising. And yet, there is something else present in these moments that is easy to overlook. A sense of aliveness. A sense of openness. A sense that something new is possible, even if it is not yet clear what that looks like.

This is not the kind of joy that comes from certainty or achievement. It is not loud or externally validated. It is quieter than that. It often shows up as a sense of lightness when something that no longer fits is released. As a spark of curiosity about what might come next. As a subtle shift from holding on… to letting go.

I’ve been noticing that when I allow myself to stay in these moments a little longer - without rushing to resolve them - this quality becomes more visible. The pressure to have everything figured out begins to ease. The need to prove or justify begins to soften. And in its place, there is more room for exploration, for experimentation, and for a different kind of relationship with the future. Perhaps this is where the joy of starting over actually lives. Not in the outcome, but in the openness. Not in the certainty, but in the possibility.

Pause and Reflect.

For those navigating their own version of starting over - whether personally or professionally - it can be helpful to approach this phase with a degree of intentional reflection. Not to force clarity, but to create space for insight.

You might begin by exploring questions such as:

- What in my life or work no longer feels aligned, even if it still “works” on the surface?

- What am I currently holding onto that may need to be released?

- Where am I seeking certainty, rather than allowing space for something new to emerge?

- What feels quietly energising or interesting, even if it doesn’t yet make logical sense?

- How would I relate to this moment differently if I didn’t see it as a problem to solve?

For leaders, additional questions might include:

- Where might my organisation or team be outgrowing its current way of operating?

- What assumptions are we carrying forward that may no longer serve us?

- How can I create space - for myself and for others - to explore before defining next steps?

- What would it look like to lead through uncertainty, rather than trying to eliminate it?

These questions are not designed to produce immediate answers. They are designed to shift perspective. And often, that shift is what allows the next step to become visible.

A Different Relationship with Beginning Again.

If we return to where we started - that quiet moment where something no longer fits - we might begin to see it differently. Not as a disruption to be resolved, but as a signal that something is ready to change. Not as a loss of direction, but as an invitation to reorient. Because every time we begin again, we are not starting from nothing. We are starting from experience, from learning, from everything that has shaped us up to that point.

Starting over, in that sense, is not a reset to zero. It is a continuation - just not in the way we expected.

And perhaps the shift is this: instead of asking how to avoid these moments, or how to move through them as quickly as possible, we begin to ask how to work with them. How to stay open within them. How to recognise that within the uncertainty, there is also potential. Each day, in its own small way, offers that invitation. Not always dramatically. Not always visibly. But consistently. To begin again - not from a place of urgency, but from a place of awareness. And if we can learn to meet those moments with curiosity rather than resistance, we may find that starting over is not something to fear. But something to trust.

Michael Stephens (he/they) is a consultant designing human-centred systems rooted in transformation and long-term growth. He works at the level of culture and relationships, examining how leadership is experienced across identity, wellbeing and performance. As Founder of We Create Space, he partners with global organisations to design leadership ecosystems that strengthen capability, deepen belonging and support sustainable success.

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