Addressing someone privately and making them aware that something they’ve said/done is not acceptable and perhaps suggest how they could change their behaviour. This is a good first resort for gently asking someone to modify their behaviour, especially if it was a mistake and they were unaware.
While it can be tempting to call out someone for their actions, this should really only be a last resort after several attempts to call them in. Individuals are much less likely to take on valid criticism if they feel attacked while receiving it, and while it is not our responsibility to protect the feelings of people who are causing hurt to others, we can create a more productive conversation by approaching with empathy and compassion. Here are some calling-in examples:
- "Could you elaborate on what you meant by [insert statement, process, or word you want to understand]? I want to understand your perspective better."
- "I value your intentions and would like to discuss how your words/actions impact me/others. Can we have a constructive conversation about this?"
- "I understand your point of view, but I think we can explore this issue more deeply. Let's revisit [insert word or statement] and consider other perspectives."
- "Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I’d like to add to the conversation by discussing how we can improve our diversity efforts. For instance..."
- "You mentioned that this process has been successful in the past. How can we build on that success while also being more inclusive? Let's brainstorm some ideas together."